got rear ended last night by some dumb girl. can't really move my neck. cool, merry xmas. parents put all $ to be spent on my xmas in a separate bank account for my move to philly. really awesome.

there's nothing left for me here.
can't wait to goooooooooooooooooooo

there are so many things i feel like i want to say but i don't know how to verbalize them and i don't have anybody to say them to. hopefully this thing will be somewhat therapeutic. i just want to leave. the people i care about in this town are pretty much dom, bobby, geoff, kate, preston, jess, john and that's about it. 7 people? that's retarded. i feel sometimes like i want to move away to some place where i don't know a single person. i want to lose my phone and delete aim and email and myspace and just start over. a new life in a new city with new people. no friends, no family, no nothing. i hate feeling so jaded and tired when I'm only 21 years old. i feel lost here. where is my life going? this town is like one big dead end. its not that i even particularly care to accomplish anything significant, but i do want something to show for my years. i love hanging out and drinking beers and doing nothing, but does it ever end? will i ever do anything that i consider to be truly meaningful? i wish i lived in europe and rode my bike everywhere and worked at a coffee shop and had roommates and lived hand to mouth in a place that was really special where i was surrounded by really special kids who all wanted the same things i do. but i don't really know what it is that i want.

i am alternately consumed by and devoid of emotion and longing; a neverending cycle of desire and apathy.

i want to take a handful of the people i care about and leave this godforsaken city and all of its bullshit and idiots and worthlessness.
i just don't want any of this, anymore.
i want another life.

i don't really know how lj works so i don't know if anyone can read this, but i don't really care either way. communicating all of this didn't make me feel better, so what's the point? its all just rambling anyway.